Skyward SelfParody
by TheCrazyAuthors
Summary: Recipe for disaster: Multiple elements of a parody. One self insert. One Skyward Sword. Infinite possibilities. Mix well, and congratulations! Your result is two teenage girls, one confused protagonist, and a rather irked sidekick amidst a chaotic adventure between the lands above and below the clouds!


_Thus begins a cracky half-parody, half self-insert of Skyward Sword. This was a team effort with triforcekitty, author of the Okami fanfic Sound of a Flute._

_Not much to say, actually._

_Jokes that went on revolving around the chapter during production:_

"Protal. PROTAL 2. NOW YOU'RE THINKING WITH PROTALS."

"Shut uuuup XD"

"PLEASE SHOOT THE PROTAL GUN TO SOLVE THE TEST. VALVE CAN'T COUNT TO THREE-OR CAN THEY? I HEAR PROTAL 3 IS COMING OUT SOON!"

"I'm never gonna live this down, am I?"

"Actually, you are, I just ran out of portal jokes to make."

_Disclaimer: Senom299 and triforcekitty don't own The Legend of Zelda franchise, which includes Skyward Sword. TLoZ is owned by Nintendo. Thank you and good night._

**0-0-0-0-0**

Stormy Evans generally did not enjoy Thursday afternoons. Mostly, this one. It was rainy, it was humid, it was Mississippi, and she wasn't allowed on the computer.

… Which is why when her mother left her alone in the house to go shopping, the first thing she did was hop on that sucker.

"Kiiiiiiiiittty. Be onliiiiiiiiine." She mumbled, getting on Chatzy. "BINGO!"

Meanwhile in the great state of Tennessee where it was currently four billion degrees, a young derp named Kat sat at her desk in her room. She noticed her friend Stormy online and became a very confused derp.

"What are you doing online? It's Thursday." she typed.

Stormy, meanwhile, was grinning like an idiot.

"Mom left the house and I am aloooooone. At least for like an hour and a half, or something."

"8D."

"8DDDDDDDDDDD." Promptly after, Stormy put "MAH 8D'S BETTER THAN YOUUUURRRSSS."

"D8 I TRIED SO HARD."

"SORRY BUT MINE'S BETTER ANYWAY BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME."

By this point in time, even mentally challenged Stormy was getting sick of blabbing in a 8D contest. So she changed the subject.

"Soooooooooooooo. What're you up to?"

"Playing Skyward Sword while simultaneously having an internet conversation. What are you doi-OH CRAP SPIDER D8."

"... Kitty. Say you're sorry to the nice spider."

After a moment, Stormy facepalmed and typed again.

"Kitty did you just run from the room screaming. … You did, didn't you."

"No I killed the thing. I hate them so much you have no idea."

"... Say you're sorry to the nice dead spider, Kitty."

"No D8"

"... SAY YOU'RE SORRY KITTYKAT."

"OKAY FINE I'M SORRY."

"I'm sure s/he/it/cupcake/whatever appreciates it."

"...sorry it existed."

"You're terrible."

"It's a _spider._"

"It's a living organism! It probably had a mate and children!"

"A spideeeeeeeeeer."

"I'm not going to make you feel guilty about this, am I."

"Nope 8D"

Stormy would've typed in a reply, but that was about the point in time her screen sort of... exploded.

Sort of meaning a fairly large-well, okay, it was medium sized. Let's call it medium sized. A fairly medium sized portal opened up in the middle of her screen.

Yep.

No reason at all behind it.

Stormy just stared for a second as it got bigger, then facepalmed. "Either I'm high, or I'm about to go into a coma."

Kat was experiencing the same problem for whatever reason.

"...Wheatley. Quit being Wheatley." she ordered the thing, calling it by its nickname. When ordering the computer to stop didn't work, she did what most people (or derps rather) would have done. Threw an object at it. A pencil in this case.

"...Why did my pencil just go through the computer...?"

Meanwhile, on Stormy's end:

"I WAS SO GOOD TO YOU, YOU _WHORE!_"She screamed at the computer, trying to hide behind her chair. It wasn't working very well.

Kat proceeded to use mobile internet to get back to the chatroom.

"Senom. Senom there's like a portal or something in my computer and I threw a pencil at it and the pencil disappeared. Are you having the same proble-What am I saying? If you're having the same problem, you don't even know that I'm trying to talk to you."

Actually, the next thing 'Senom' did was jump on her mom's computer behind her, yelling "DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES" and entering the chat.

"... I got on my mom's computer. And I think my portal's bigger, because HELP."

"Oh so it's not just me then. Good I was-WAIT WHAT IF THE WORLD'S ENDING." Kat typed in panic. When crap like this happened, she always tended to jump to the worst possible outcome.

"... Kitty. Portals in our computers. The world's not ending, we just have to decide whether to jump in when they're big enough and see what happens (LEAP BEFORE YOU THINK AMIRITE) or cling to our chairs and scream for a while longer."

"...Can we go for the latter? This is really freaking me out."

"Well screw you because I'm jumping!" Stormy announced via typing. She then proceeded to close the window and turned around to face the portal.

"LEAP BEFORE YOU THINK~!"

"Oh crap what are you doing don't be an idiot. ...You're gone aren't you." Kat paused for a bit, waiting for a response.

It never came, partially because Stormy had already taken a running start (somehow) and jumped through.

Moron.

"...Oh crap fine. I don't even care that you won't be able to see this message cause you're being dumb I'm coming too."

Kat put her phone back in her pocket and took a deep breath before jumping through herself.

"FYI COMPUTER I'M BLAMING THIS ON YOU."

Somewhere along the happy wonderland rabbit hole portal tunnel, she came across Stormy, who was currently falling back-down and pretty much sprawled out.

"Oh, hi!"

"So. How are you holding up? CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE GOING TO DIE."

"Sheesh, GLaDOS, nice knowing ya." Stormy turned over. Apparently she'd already gotten used to the descent. Somehow. "We're not dead _yet_, are we?"

"I didn't bring a parachute and this feels an awful lot like skydiving. I'm pretty sure we're screwed."

"... I thought pessimism was _my _job."

"We can both be pessimists. Problem solved."

Stormy just shrugged. "I don't see an end to the thing in si- HOLY CRAP GROUND RUSHING AT US REALLY FAST THIS IS BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD."

"I TOLD YOU. BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN DID YOU? NOOOO NOT A BIT. FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BRINGING A PARACHUTE I TOTALLY KEEP ONE IN MY CLOSET I'M SORRY."

"I'M SORRYYYY hey look what's that thi-"

The descent was interrupted by a sudden 'thump' and a rush of air. Stormy flailed.

"WHAT HAPPENED WHAT DID WE FALL ON. I'M CAPSIZED HELP."

"Wait. Stormy, this is like some giant green monster bird thi-wait a minute..." Kat took a minute to think before realizing. "Stormy. Loftwing. I'm serious."

"Wait we're on a wutnow." Stormy tried to turn over and ended up flailing again. "YOU NEED TO PILOT BECAUSE I'M GOING TO FALL IF I TRY TO GET UP."

"I only know how to control the one in the game, woman, but fine. It can't be that different."

After a few minutes of trying to get the Loftwing to obey her, she came to the conclusion that controlling the thing was nothing like the game at all.

Which was absolutely fantastic, especially because her friend was flailing like a moron still.

"Well this isn't going well." Kat concluded. "Stormy I think you're scaring him... Her... Whatever."

"I'M SORRY FOR PANICKING."

"It's okay I forgive you." Kat grinned, then turned to the giant monster bird thing "HEY. LOFTWING. You know Skyloft right? Assuming that's where we are, take us there."

By some miracle, their new friend seemed to understand this. With a squawk, it headed in the general direction of a large floating island nearby.

"Pretty sure he slash she understood you." Stormy clapped, finally resigning herself to lying on her back, legs curled up in a very awkward and uncomfortable position. Kat was amazed by this shocking development.

"I am the bird whisperer. It's me!" she laughed.

"It took about seven minutes."

"We're alive, aren't we?"

"... Yeah, yeah. Thanks and all." Stormy continued staring skyward. "... So we're apparently in Skyward Sword. What're we gonna do when we hit Skyloft?"

"...Good question..." Kat took a minute to gather her thoughts. "Maybe this is the very beginning of the game! That means Link hasn't graduated from Knight Academy and that ceremony crap hasn't happened yet... So I guess our best bets are we try to blend in, or we attempt to convince our silent protagonist to let us tag along and go through the whole game."

"Uh huh. And what if someone flags us down for being two random teenage girls riding around on the same Loftwing constantly? That totally counts as blending in."

"...Didn't think about that."

"Something tells me this is illegal."

"Like you know anything about Skyloftian law."

"Yeah, but I'm _pretty sure_ this is illegal. Just saying."

"Well what do you suggest we do, then?"

Stormy paused.

"... You win."

Kat ignored her victory for the time being and glanced around. They were quickly approaching Skyloft. The derp then bothered to remember a very important detail.

"Hey Stormy?"

"... Yeah?"

"I may have forgotten to mention that we're going to have to jump again."

Stormy let out a long stream of curse words.

"... I'm still on my back, you realize that, right?"

"Then sit up or something!"

"I CAN'T." Stormy flailed to prove her point.

"...Well this could be a problem."

"Ya _think_?"

"Maybe we could just get our Loftwing buddy to land or something so we don't have to jump?" Kat then turned to the giant monster bird. "You heard me right? GO."

"Bird whisperer my [CENSOR BUNNIES]! You're the bird freaking SCREAMER!" Stormy flailed yet again as the Loftwing seemed to get Kat's point and descended. On a small outcrop near the bottom of Skyloft. Roughly around the same area the Crimson Loftwing had been found.

"... Well that worked out." Two seconds later, Stormy, fell on the ground face-first.

"What did I tell you?" Kat said, walking over to where her friend was. "But did you listen to me? Nooooo not a bit."

"Ow." Was the only reply she got. Kat, however, was not paying a bit of attention.

"Oh my gosh. Look." Kat picked up something off the ground. "Stormy, it's my pencil that I threw at the portal. This is so messed up... Are you okay, by the way?"

"Maybe." So said the girl whose face was still in the ground.

"So we're here. And I think they'll be able to tell that we're not from here..." Kat muttered, looking down at her Aperture Laboratories shirt.

Stormy finally got up off the ground, muttering something under her breath before nodding. "_Blend in_, you said. That'll work out _just fine_!"

"I don't think things through sometimes!"

"... Join the club." The probably-younger derp slash halfway-Issun-ripoff in character personality shook her head. "So who are we supposed to ask for help? Zelda?"

"That's probably our best bet..."

"... and just how are we going to do that, skip up to her and go "OH HI, WE'RE FROM ANOTHER WORLD CAN WE BORROW SOME SKYLOFTIAN CLOTHES PLZKTHX"?"

"We could say time travel shenanigans. I _am _the Thief of Time."

"We need to make this believable to some extent, Kat. I mean, I know we'll be talking to Hylia, but still _it's not like she knows that yet and while I'm about it we're not supposed to either._"

"We could just give her the actual story and hope she believes us..."

Stormy paused. "Well... it _is _Zelda... and you know how self-inserts work, we always have to spill our story sometime..."

"Might as well get that over with so we don't have to bother with it later."

"True... … this isn't gonna end well either way, is it?" Stormy sighed. "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best... I guess..."

"Not like we have any other choice.'

"... so is the Crimson Loftwing still here? If the 'rescue party's on their way, that might be a good time." Stormy pointed out.

Lo and behold, squawking in a manner in which it was baffling as to how they didn't notice before, said Loftwing was in the general area in its prison.

"... well that's... slightly convenient? In a sad sort of way?"

"Agreed. Any minute now."

And suddenly main characters.

"-so I'd thought I might fly around and help you look! How's your search going? Any sign of your Loftwing yet?"

"Zelda, I've been running around blindly in a cave for the past twenty minutes. I haven't seen a thing, unless my Loftwing turned into a bat."

Stormy poked Kat and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's hide behind one of those barrels!"

"This is a Zelda game, dummy. Link's probably going to go and destroy them."

"Well, you can't blame me for trying..."

"...Then again, not like we have a choice." Kat shrugged, then ducked behind said barrel.

"See? I get good ideas too!" Stormy hissed before trying to steal a glance in the direction of the two protagonists. "... actually this was a bad idea, they'll see us anyway. Uhhh, any good ideas for a witty opening line?"

"... 'Well this is awkward'?"

"I said witty, not-never mind, let's just wing it. They're coming over here anyway." Stormy smacked her forehead and tried to slide around the barrel to hide better.

"Link! There he is!" Zelda yelled at her fellow protagonist despite him being right there next to her.

"Zelda... my ears... ow..."

"Sorry... but look! It's your Loftwing- wait a minute..."

"Note to self: Barrels don't make good hiding places." Stormy muttered nervously.  
"Did you hear that?" Zelda asked.

"Huh? What?" Link looked like he had barely been paying any attention.

"Quit getting distracted. I heard someone."

"Oh. Yeah. Where?" The hero asked, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Over there by those barrels." she replied.

"And obviously you want me to prance over there and check it out."

"...Please?"

Link sighed and walked over. "Anyone here?"

Stormy glared over at Kat and mouthed 'WHY DID YOU LET ME THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA'.

Kat only shrugged. 'It was bound to happen sometime...'

And she was then promptly tapped on the shoulder by a rather confused derpface protagonist.

"... Hi."

"Do you normally poke random weirdly dressed strangers?" Kat asked him. "I'm kinda disappointed in you."

"What else did you want me to do?" Link shrugged. "And... uh... who are you?"

"Name's Kat. Nice to meet ya. Would ask what your name is, but I kinda already know."

"Oh, hi!" Stormy called, waving.

Link stared for a moment and turned back to Kat. "Uh huh... and how's that?"

"Your friend is kinda loud." Kat shrugged.

"I am not!" Zelda protested.

"Sorry, I have to vouch against that." Stormy leaned against the barrel casually and then slid back, landing in a similar position to the one she'd been in on the green Loftwing. "... help."

"Seriously?" Kat rolled her eyes then helped her friend up.

"Thanks."

Link blinked. "... I'm guessing you two aren't from Skyloft?"

"What could've possibly make you think that?" Kat asked in fake shock, covering her mouth with her hand.

"... Well, for starters, your clothes are... weird, to say the least."

Stormy, meanwhile, whacked her friend upside the head. "We said we'd _drop _the 'blend in' tactic." She hissed.

"Ow..."

"Link..." Zelda tapped him on the shoulder. "Forget about them. Your Loftwing?"

"Oh, yeah, right!" He realized, running over to the boarded-up cave where his Loftwing was currently raising all [censor bunnies attack again] and slashing at the ropes. Moments later, said crimson bird was freed.

The Loftwing squawked a few times, shook itself out, stretched its wings, and turned its head to be petted by Link.

"D'awww. Our monster bird doesn't love us that much." Stormy muttered.

"It's just too bad..." Kat nodded in agreement.

"... Then again, we literally just met ours. And... err... he sort of ditched us directly after." Stormy's face lit up and she leaned closer to Kat. "And whose fault do you think it was? _Bird screamer_?"

Meanwhile, Link was just... staring at them.

"We're _alive, _aren't we? I'll take the blame for us being alive, that's perfectly fine with me!" Kat then proceed to laugh for no apparent reason at all.

Link shrugged and watched his Loftwing fly off, then headed over to the... whatever those outlet-patio-port-things were. "For the record, I'm going to pretend I never met you two. Hey, Zelda, can I pass this off as a hallucination? Maybe my eyes are still messed up from the cave."

"Well they seem pretty real to me..." she commented. "Maybe we should give them a chance, Link."

"Zeeeelddaaaaa. The Wing Ceremony's coming up a-HOLY CRAP, THE WING CEREMONY'S COMING UP!"

Stormy resisted the urge to facepalm. "Yeesh, I knew he was a derp, but I didn't think he was on _your _level of derpiness, Kat." She paused. "No offense."

Kat then proceed to slap her buddy.

"Oh, right! We should hurry up then. Flying there would be the fastest way."

"What were you expecting me to do? Walk?"

Zelda ignored him. "But before you go, I have to ask you something. I heard a voice a few moments ago... Did you hear it too?"

"... uhhhh..."

"Well, it's been happening a lot lately. It's the strangest feeling. Like someone is calling out to me."

"... That's nice, Zelda. Do I need to talk to your dad about getting you therapy?"

Zelda then proceeded to pull a times 2 ignore combo!

The universe applauds this amazing development!

"Have you ever wondered what's beneath the clouds, Link?"

"Nnnnn-yes. Maybe."

"Well, some say it's a barren wasteland. Others think that there's nothing there, but I have a feeling that they're wrong."

"I know! The land beneath the clouds is-"

"Link, quit saying whatever dumb thing you're about to say."

"CANDYLAND!"

"Board games exist in Skyloft?" Stormy muttered.

"Apparently so..." Kat replied.

"As I was saying, some of Father's old texts talk about a place called the surface. It's a whole world, far more vast than Skyloft! No one's ever been down there to see it, and our Loftwings won't go below the clouds."

"I know, I've tried."

"...Oh I'm sorry, Link! We don't have time to talk! Let's get going. Look, your bird's waiting for you."

Link gasped dramatically. "By the name of the Goddess herself, you're right! He is!"

"Hey, sorry to interrupt this cutscene, but what are we supposed to do?" Kat asked.

"We have our own Loftwing, remembe-oh, right. The asking for help detail." Stormy smacked her forehead. "Sorry, miss Zelda? While your-" she coughed out the word _idiot_, "-friend gets going, could we maybe, quite possibly ask for your help with something?"

"Of course. What is it?"

Link had already jumped off the edge, screaming the whole way. Stormy blinked and poked Kat.

"You start."

"But I can't whistle!" Kat informed her.

"... What's that have to do with spilling our story and asking for help?"

"Ooooh that. I thought we were talking about jumping off the cliff."

"Nnnnno."

"Well darn. Anyway. Basically Stormy here and I were talking to each other and then this portal weirdness happened and we ended up here."

"That was oh-so-descriptive." Stormy muttered, resisting the urge to facepalm.

"Well why don't you explain it, then?"

Stormy glared, then sighed. "All right, let me try and pull this off without collapsing midway from an awkward attack. We're from another world. Literally. Hence the different fashion. Aaaaand Kat here and I technically landed a ways away from Skyloft about fifteen minutes ago, got saved by a random wild green Loftwing, and were dropped off here. Is there any possible way you can help us out and... help us 'blend in' until we find a way back to where we came from?"

"It shouldn't be too hard." Zelda replied.

"Seriously? Thanks!" Stormy grinned, slinging an arm around Kat's shoulder. "Maybe things can work out, we'll find a way back, we'll be out of your way in no time."

"You two don't seem all that bad. Don't listen to Link if he accuses you of anything. He can be dumb sometimes."

_Sometimes, my foot._ Stormy resisted the urge to say aloud. "Yeah, got it."

"I'm going to go on to the ceremony and catch up with Link. You can either go back through the cave and get to Skyloft, or hope that that Loftwing that saved you comes back..."

"... So you'll help us out with the whole clothes thing after the ceremony, right?"

"Yep!"

"Allll right then, see you later! I guess!"

Zelda waved, then jumped off the edge and flew off on her Loftwing.

"... we are _not_ running around Skyloft still in these clothes." Stormy decided, watching her go and turning back to Kat, a devilish grin crossing her face. "Wanna go ask our Loftwing friend to take us around the sky for a little while? Just while we wait. We can catch up with the plot later."

"Oh gosh that means jumping off a cliff doesn't it what if the monster bird doesn't come back."

"Don't be stupid. He will." Stormy promised, standing on the edge. "Okay, just in case he can't catch both of us at once again, I'll go first and then try and pilot him so we can catch you. Kay?"

"Fine. But if we die I'm blaming you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." The girl took a deep breath, yelled "LEAP BEFORE YOU THINK", and jumped off the edge. She then proceeded to make a sound like a terrible attempt at whistling.

Apparently, the green Loftwing still understood it, and did its job of catching her.

"Holy crap, it worked. All right, buddy, time for piloting basics 101!" She moved into a better flying position. "... How do I make you go up. And all other directions, for that matter."

A great deal of swearing, complaining, and near death experiences later, she managed to maneuver the Loftwing into a safe position near the port. We are now calling it a port.

"All right, Kat, you can jump now!"

Kat forced herself to jump.

"CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP THIS IS STUPID."

"I KNOW, RIGHT?" Stormy called, grinning as the Loftwing caught her. "You wanna pilot, or should I keep doing it?"

"You can."

"Kayzernutters~!" The girl cackled enthusiastically.

Their Loftwing friend was not so reassured by her antics.

"All right, Kat! Are you ready for the flight of your life? Because HERE WE GO~!"

**0-0-0-0-0**

_OH MY GOSH THIS PROLOGUE EXCEEDED A THOUSAND WORDS._

_THIS IS A MOMENTOUS OCCASIOI'll shut up now._

Please review, everyone! We'll try not to let this little project die out ;)


End file.
